Walmart Messes With My Mind

One simple retail-related word can send a chill up the spine of many Americans...Walmart! I know from talking to a good many folks that shopping at Walmart ranks at the very bottom of their list of things they enjoy doing. Well, perhaps it ranks right above passing a kidney stone, but I haven't seen the 2009 end-of-year rankings yet.

Personally, I don't mind Walmart. I live in a small town now, so if there's shopping to be done, we frequently head to Wally World. When we travel, Walmart can be a great place to pull into for a restroom stop. Ever notice that other retail stores have their restrooms in the back or in some obscure location. When I stop for a bathroom break, I don't want to spend valuable moments tracking down the facilities. At Wal-mart, you can always locate the restrooms at the front of the store.

But this is where Walmart messes with my mind. I appreciate being able to consistently locate Walmart restrooms. However, why can't they be consistent with everything else? The biggest problem occurs as you enter the store. Which door is the entrance? Common sense tells you to go the right. Instinct leads you to go to the right. Yet, if you follow common sense or instinct, you're likely staring at the exit and the traffic flow of people coming right at you.

If you've navigated this obstacle successfully, congratulations. Many fail and never make it to this point. It doesn't necessarily become easier, my dear blog readers. Once you get to the point of entering the store, you have to figure out where everything is. Now, wouldn't Walmart benefit from being consistent in the layouts of individual stores? One would think. However, at Walmart, food could be at your right or at your left. Electronics at the back of the store or in the middle. Books near the greeting cards or at the front of the store.

I'm dizzy just thinking about this madness! For this reason, I need to end this post and lay down for a while...

Severe Bee Allergy

It's Memorial Day which means you're doing things today that you don't do on a typical Monday. That's true for me as I turned the television on, put the channel to ESPN and kicked back on the loveseat for some afternoon sports. I know what you're thinking--that could be a normal Monday! The difference this time was instead of catching a baseball game, I became glued to the National Spelling Bee competition.

Guess there are a few reasons I found myself hooked to the Bee this year. First, the remote control was just out of reach. Just kidding. I actually was interested in watching because I was a former spelling bee participant. I didn't quite make the national event. I fell a bit shy of the state competition as well. But at one time I was a finalist in elementary school. I still recall with bitterness standing before a large crowd of folks and demonstrating an inability to spell the word "plussing" correctly. I can state with confidence that I have yet to use that word in an actual conversation of any sort, other than to flashback to the day when I bowed out of my elementary school event as the 4th place finisher.

My post today is a plea to the organizers of the National Spelling Bee event. Can we just go ahead and give these kids all of the information they need in order to spell the word correctly? Don't make them beg for a definition. Then ask for a language of origin. Then we have a request for an alternate pronunciation. Now we get to the point where they'd like the word used in a sentence. Some will now ask for a part of speech. Then the repeat requests. Why do we put these kids through this?

I've long been against this kind of treatment. In fact, I now confess I spelled "plussing" wrong on purpose. I didn't want to go through this myself.

What's My Line?

Many weeks ago, I was doing some thumb exercises with my remote control when I came across an awards show on TV. I want to say it was the Golden Globes but I'm not for sure. I'm confident you've seen shows like this. A number of awards are presented one at a time, with several nominations mentioned prior to each one.

As I watched, I noticed something that left me bewildered. For each award, two actors would come to the podium and engage in some brief small talk. This would usually include a corny joke of some kind. It's obvious that this dialogue is scripted. In fact, it looks like these folks are reading their lines off a cue card or a teleprompter or something.

So I'm left to ponder the following question. If these folks are actors, people whose job requires them to memorize lines, why can't they actually memorize lines or at least act like they have?

Dirty Diapers

Twice in the last week, I've entered a public restroom and noticed a Diaper Dispensing Device (I shall refer to it as the DDD) near the diaper changing table. You can purchase a diaper for a buck, though the DDD indicates it only takes quarters.

My thought: If I take my child to the restroom for a diaper change, yet am so disorganized that I don't bring a clean diaper with me, why does the store think I'll have a roll of quarters in my pocket?

Bed Jumping Monkeys...Unacceptable!

I love to do bedtime stories. In the past, I've read stories. When I'm in a creative mood, I'll make up stories. The whole bedtime story routine, however, has changed in my home. My 6 year old is starting to read. As a result, she reads the stories to me. I listen to her read a book, and I spend time thinking about the information being absorbed by my daughter.

Tonight's tale was a familiar one, Ten Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed!. Before we even owned this book, I was familiar with how this goes. Perhaps you could chant along with me...

Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

Nine little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off...

Wait a second! The doctor has given specific instructions. This wise professional has figured out a simple way to keep further head injuries from taking place. And yet his instructions are ignored. I suppose that's be to expected. We can assume these are young monkeys, and you know what they say...monkeys will be monkeys. But then my attention turns to the mother - where is she?!?!

My daughter is sleeping and I'm wondering if I should let this piece of literature remain in our home. Maybe I could point out the parental neglect. Or I could simply brush this off as another example of an overworked, single-parent home with the youngsters running amuck. I'll need to take some time and sort this out...

Sit Down, Batman!

I went to see "The Dark Knight" over the weekend. I rarely will pay big bucks to see any movie, but the reviews had been so solid so I thought why not? Plus, I went during the day to save two dollars which satisified my cheapskate tendencies.

The movie was really good, but that's not why I'm posting today. I felt the need to share something that amused me. Here's the wording on the back of the ticket stub:

The Management reserves the right to refuse admission, by refunding purchase price, and to determine when and where its holder may sit.

I'm not sure why this struck me as so funny. I guess I just imagined going into a theater and standing there waiting for someone in management to come in and let you know it was ok to sit down.

Roller Coaster Rides

Don't get me wrong, I do love roller coasters. Granted, my father tried to scar me for life by forcing my brother and I to ride "The Beast" at King's Island when we were barely tall enough to legally ride. As I got older though, I enjoyed riding roller coasters. In fact, "The Beast" is my all-time favorite ride.

Then there's this roller coaster ride called Life. Not as much fun at times. The ups, downs, twists and turns. Sometimes you don't see them coming.

When I last left you, the family was rejoicing at our newly-repaired van. The morning after that post, we loaded up to begin the return journey home. Ten minutes later we were on the side of I-440 westbound, our van deciding it didn't want to go home yet. The events over the next 24 hours consisted of many phone calls, a tow to a local Pepboys where I now know several guys on a 1st name basis (here's a shout out for Dave & Tim!) and my wallet feeling much, much lighter.

Yet again, I praise God for taking care of us. Christian friends/family saw that our immediate needs were met. We spent time with lots of folks we don't get to see often. And our family now has a few extra memories which we'll reflect on for years to come.